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18th of July 2018

Entertainment



Tropa-drama: Heartbreak Island finally lives up to its name

It all turns a little Battle Royale tonight as the contestants get honest - too honest - about each other.

REVIEW: Self knowledge, kids, it's the best defence against offence. 

That's something the Heartbreak Islanders discover when the show "weaponises honesty" with a challenge that has them coming clean on their feelings about each other - all their feelings. 

In the firing line, again, is Caitlin, the disrupter who's made an unwitting enemy of every woman on the Island. She's in Georgia's firing line after not being immediately loathed by Harry, Georgia's Island husband. 

Disruptor Caitlin makes an easy target for the girls on Heartbreak Island.

Disruptor Caitlin makes an easy target for the girls on Heartbreak Island.

The challenge, a quiz about their real feelings for one-another, puts the panther among the intellectual pigeons. Given there are summer shower puddles deeper than these guys, it's going to be nasty. 

READ MORE:* Heartbreak Island recap: Do we actually have a show here?* Heartbreak Island: Friendships are over, but the popularity contest has just begun* Heartbreak Island: Is this a new nadir for reality television?

The punishment for being oblivious - a long walk off a short pier and a swift ride home.

The catch? There are no right or wrong answers - what everyone else thinks it is, it is. Essentially, it's a test of what everyone thinks of each other.

I think I've seen this film... Battle Royale or was it Hunger Games? 

It starts slow, with a few funny questions and everyone agreeing - so much so pleasant. 

Dinner drama gets tedious for Liam and Weiting.

Dinner drama gets tedious for Liam and Weiting.

Then the claws come out and Caitlin is nominated biggest bitch on the Island thus creating one of those philosophical conundrums people write theses about - if Caitlin is the biggest bitch on the island then you're right to name her, but if you're a biggest bitch on the island, you'll throw shade on the outsider.  How can you tell who is who?

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"I thought it was quite light hearted, but as things go on it's quite obvious you meant it," says Caitlin in a rare moment where she's not being harangued by other women, crying, or looking like she's about to be hung, drawn and quartered. 

Then Georgia goes for gold slamming everyone she can, and setting off a bitch slap avalanche no one is likely to recover from. Such Dramaz. 

This is just not OK. Georgia threatens to hit Harry several times. That's not cute or funny, it's abuse.

This is just not OK. Georgia threatens to hit Harry several times. That's not cute or funny, it's abuse.

The funniest thing about this game is how none of them even seem to know themselves, let alone anyone else, at all. 

"I'm the most trustworthy on the island," says Georgia, the woman who has spent the last six weeks lying and back stabbing and disguising her snide bitching as "honesty". Oh of course you are. 

Josh nails it: "The girls have created this very toxic environment that Catlin is bearing the brunt of. I am losing a lot of respect for them."

After being exposed as the worst person on the island, Georgia is more than a little upset.

After being exposed as the worst person on the island, Georgia is more than a little upset.

A night at the Tropicana... or as Harry calls it, the Tropidrama... descends into absolute chaos with fights, cruelty, bitching and nastiness, and even an Island divorce. 

Harry and Georgia implode, then explode, then melt down, flooding into the emotional aquifer and poisoning it for all time. 

I'm going to digress here to bring up a very important point: Georgia threatens to punch and hurt Harry several times. She also gaslights him, teases him and uses another man to make him jealous.

Caitlin and Josh get sent home after losing the challenge, but not before Georgia gets to stick the boot in.

Caitlin and Josh get sent home after losing the challenge, but not before Georgia gets to stick the boot in.

This behaviour isn't cute, or funny or dramatic, it's abuse.

If that was one of the guys doing that, we'd call the cops. It's never OK to hit your partner or threaten to hit your partner, never. If you can't have a fight without using your fists or threatening to, you shouldn't be in a relationship. 

Anyway... The Islanders split into factions. 

Georgia, outed as literally the worst person on an Island of the worst people, cries like a child.

By the time the elimination comes around it's pretty clear that Caitlin and Josh will be going home, because they won't want to lose the drama creator, Georgia. Harry smells his ruin too and tries to make his peace with her. 

"What do you want from me moving forward, from me?" says a baffled Georgia. 

"I just want you to stop being a c...," says Harry, who's just focussing on the money and his bromance with Josh. 

When the inevitable happens and Caitlin and Josh get the boot, Harry is inconsolable.

"Josh and I share half a brain," he says, all but sobbing. 

"To not make it to the end is absolutely going to grind me for the rest of my life," says Josh. Count your blessings mate, you never have to see Georgia again. 

 - Stuff

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